The other day someone asked me, "How do you change your thoughts and feelings about a particular situation or circumstance that you want to be done with?" My response to her was, it requires you to physically occupy your thoughts and emotions daily in efforts to redirect them according to that situation or circumstance you wish to see change in. This requires us to at times sit with ourselves and talk ourselves through whatever the difficult thing may be, when ugly thoughts or beliefs connected with that peculiar position or circumstance come up, we must be willing to, if the need be "talk yourself down" and recommit to our determination to drive past it. For instance, if I have told myself that I am going to forgive someone, I forgive them. I don't go around harboring ill will, saying nasty things, or secretly wishing malice on that person's life. Evenly, I will go a step further and stop myself from thinking the unkind thought with a gentle reminder of my vow to forgive. I do this until my heart and my mind are on the same page with the situation or circumstance and I move forward.
For me its all about CBAR (Connect, belief, actions, results). This is my process for solving any problem as I know that all of our troubles stem from what we think, perceive, and believe about any given situation or set of life circumstances. Nevertheless, if I use the CBAR method of processing I can immediately ascertain where the change needs to happen in any given problem and successfully shift its results. This is not about control yet, it is about ownership and acceptance of the things I may not be able to change. Change your thoughts and you change your life.
I practice this technique with not only forgiveness, but, worry, stress, fear, anger, anxiety, and so on. Being present with ourselves, mind, body, and actions does not means there won't be times when we fall short of our commitment to change, however, the goal is to keep striving to be a better person every day. No one person is perfect. With that, saying an affirmation every morning before you get out of bed or leave the house is a tool which can prompt us to be mindful of our daily goals for self-improvement. The affirmation doesn't have to be complicated, a simple “I am worthy of good things in my life. I will live into my best-self today, or I have the strength and power to forgive those who transgress against me along the way.” should suffice to promote a change in the brain's thinking process.
Connect: Be present in the moment or situation. Acknowledge where you are and what you're thinking/feeling at that time (helps promote mindfulness).
Belief: What is your belief or statement about the current circumstance or situation (We create what we believe)?
Action: Assess what actions or behaviors are necessary to create change in the situation or circumstances.
Results: What results are being generated from the actions/behavior you are currently displaying in accordance with your current belief(s)? Change actions/behavior wherever necessary in order to achieve desired results.
Easy-peasy, you’re on your way to designing a life you can enjoy living free from the burden of trying to control everything around you. ! Have a great rest of the day folks. I know you’ll make someone’s day! Good journey!
~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)
