Are you the type of person who faults everyone else for your
life's misfortunes, situations, difficulties, and/or current circumstances (e.g.,
my wife/husband doesn't listen, my doctor’s scale was off that day, my dog
walks too slow so, I can’t really workout when I walk him, the lady at the counter
got my order wrong, my neighbor six houses away did so and so, my boss doesn't
like me, the lady in line last night, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.) when in
fact what is happening is that you refuse to self-evaluate and recognize the
part you play in creating your own unhappiness. Instead, you are comfortable
blaming others and life itself for your inability to extract and apply crucial life-lessons.
You would rather play the blame game. In every life a little lesson must fall
and your life is no exception to the rule. What you do not repair, you WILL
repeat! When you live to make excuses what you’re actually doing is excusing
yourself from any accountability to unfavorable outcomes.
If your life is at the mercy of everyone and everything else
around you, than what is safe to say is that chances are, you are unhappy.
However, at what point does it become your charge to take back control of your
life and repair what is broken? When you ignore, excuse, deny, and/or “check
out” on life, what is left is dysfunction and chaos. It all begins with YOU!
There is a way to regain control of your life and to begin to repair it without
blaming those around you when you follow these 4 simple tips.
1.
Admit
that you are a blamer. When you admit that you have been blaming others for
your life, you take charge and start to recognize that you are not taking
responsibility for your decisions. This puts you back in the pilot’s seat and allows
you to identify when blaming is happening and makes you cognitively aware when
changing it.
2.
Be
present in the moment and recognize your part in creating the problem. It all starts and stops with you. Don’t deny
the fact that you've had some participation in your current situation no matter
how small. Accept it! This way you can begin working on successful behavioral
modifications that will assist you with creating a more functional, self-sufficient,
and expressively self-confident you. Also, allow yourself to feel whatever you
are feeling in the moment of blame (e.g., angry, hurt, sad, uncertain, etc.)
within the lines of respect for yourself and the person(s) whom you may be
dealing. Doing this, you will begin to practice identifying exactly what emotion or
emotions you have been trying to avoid experiencing by using blame or excuses
and deal with them accordingly. We all have feelings, and sometimes they can
get in the way of our better judgment.
3.
Take a
Step Back. Take some time to step away from the situation. You deserve the
opportunity to collect your thoughts in order to make the best decision for
you. Don’t allow yourself to emotionally respond to a situation when what may
need to happen is that you take a moment to reflect and think things through.
When you take a step back from the problem often times the solution will become
clear.
4.
Forgive.
Forgiving others and yourself for whatever is causing you anxiety, hurt, pain, insecurity,
or fear is a powerful tool in executing change. We all make mistakes. It’s part
of the learning process. Nevertheless, if we don’t forgive we can be held
hostage to whatever unforgiveness we are carrying around in our hearts. Not every
decision is going result in positive outcomes however, if you never make a
mistake how will you learn from it and grow?
Giving your power away to blame is the sure fire path to
certain doom with discontent being your tour guide! In reality, successful life
navigation begins with learning how to make difficult choices and respectfully
conveying your needs to those around you while you work diligently on
self-improvement. It has been said that a self-centered person can find fault
in others however, is color blind to his/her own short-comings. It’s easy to place
the fault in someone else when it gives you the escape goat you need to relinquish
responsibility and ownership of a particular situation designed mostly by you. Nevertheless,
getcho yo life, it’s not everyone else's error when it all begins and ends with
you! Do something different today and create a satisfying and fulfilling tomorrow.
Enjoy your life! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)