Permission

Happy Tuesday! In life there are times when it feels like our spirits don't line up with your hearts and we are lost to what steps to take to move forward. There are even times when one can feel as if they're going nowhere yet, working so hard to achieve a particular desired outcome. Then you realize that what may be stopping you from getting to your destination is not so much what you've been doing, yet it is what you've been believing. When you buy into false purposes for your life, listen to the naysayers, and/or live in the constant mindset of entitlement you ultimately block your own blessings.

If you believe that you can never accomplish your goals, experience success in your life, or that things will never change; unfortunately, you're right as we tend to create our lives based on the perceptions of our reality. Check your thinking and give yourself the permission and opportunity to believe past the lies that you've been told about yourself for far too long. Greatness is within you to produce however, first you have to believe that you are capable and deserving of its fruits. Will it be easy? Who knows but, the recipe for accomplishments is simple; it takes faith, a whole lot of prayer, and some really concrete action steps to accomplish any task.

Is today going to be the day that you stop believing the lies of your past, your examples, or your trash talking inner voice that is telling you that you don't deserve it? It's yours for the taking! Life is to be lived, because it's for the living! Today, change something that creates a ripple in your life that radiates outward and is felt by those around you; only you can! Have a great day and know that the choice to change is yours!

Resuscitation

While scrolling through my emails today, I came across an article with the word “resuscitation” in its text and immediately I became intrigued. Resuscitate, I could hear the term rolling around in my psyche, and although I was already familiar with the word, I quickly Googled it for a more general and stern clarification and understanding. This is the definition I found: “To resuscitate is to revive a person who has lost consciousness.” In essence, it is to assist with bringing someone back to life or consciousness after they have become a person who is no longer aware of themselves, surroundings, purpose, mind, body, and/or spirit.

In life there are times when we all have found ourselves in need of resuscitation. Times when it feels as though our very life force has been snuffed out by worry, stress, fear, anxiety, dissatisfaction, and/or persistent trials and tribulations that we are unable to overcome at the time? It may be what’s needed is a spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical resuscitation nevertheless; the necessity to regain consciousness is real and the basic requirement for survival. It is powerful to become aware of our needs, life’s purpose and mission, self-worth, or what is necessary to maintain an overall mental balance to the extent of which without it we can cease to exist in some form or another. And how instrumental is it that in order to be made whole again or recover awareness we must employ the assistance of those around us?

The beauty of this definition is that it conceptualizes that no one person can revive him/herself alone, yet it takes the work and efforts of others as well. This would require those of us in need of revitalization to become vulnerable with a willingness to express one’s own inner emotional, mental, spiritual, and/or physical needs at the time. For some, the very notion of “vulnerability” can catapult them to experience high levels of anxiety, uncertainty, and the fear of being emotionally exposed in some way; while others view vulnerability as a weakness and therefore, avoid it at all costs thus increasing the effects of suffocation. What is at the root of the fear of vulnerability? What keeps us from reaching out to our at times, life resuscitating connections when necessary?

At that moment, I asked myself, how often have I or those close to me expressed a need for resuscitation that went unmet because of life’s distractions, lack of trust, fear of emotional exposure, or others unwillingness to breath/speak life back into one another? Not to mention, how unacceptable yet, common this tragic practice of ignoring our fellow men/women in troubled times and/or times of need has become in this society. Have we decided NOT to see one another when it is most essential to the survival of the being in order to pay closer attention to our trivial pursuits of fleeting satisfaction? Are we so afraid to bare our vulnerability that we have we come to be so far removed from our humanity that we have resolved to experience life only through social media, television, youtube, and other disconnecting forms of pretend human connection? We all need to be resuscitated in the worst way; to be brought back to consciousness in order to regain awareness of the most valuable resource we have in this system . . . human life.

It is at this moment that I completely understand the true meaning of resuscitation. It is more than to simply extend my hand to those not just less fortunate but, also to those who are in need for any given reason, at any given time with life vivifying support. Now, do not misunderstand me as I am all too aware that there are those who have resolved to live without consciousness, connection, and/or purpose. Nevertheless, we reap our truest blessings when we are a blessing to others. As said best by Gandhi, we must “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

And that change begins with your own personal resuscitation. Become alive again with love and concern for your fellow man. Find your passion and share it with the world. Who you are and what you have to offer cannot be duplicated by anyone else, as you are the only individual supplied with your own unique set of gifts, talents, ability, and purpose. Be revived as you go forward in love and forgiveness acknowledging that we are all a part of the human experience and we can all make a difference! Live aware! Good journey!

WARNING: Change Ahead . . .

The other day someone asked me, "How do you change your thoughts and feelings about a particular situation or circumstance that you want to be done with?" My response to her was, it requires you to physically occupy your thoughts and emotions daily in efforts to redirect them according to that situation or circumstance you wish to see change in. This requires us to at times sit with ourselves and talk ourselves through whatever the difficult thing may be, when ugly thoughts or beliefs connected with that peculiar position or circumstance come up, we must be willing to, if the need be "talk yourself down" and recommit to our determination to drive past it. For instance, if I have told myself that I am going to forgive someone, I forgive them. I don't go around harboring ill will, saying nasty things, or secretly wishing malice on that person's life. Evenly, I will go a step further and stop myself from thinking the unkind thought with a gentle reminder of my vow to forgive. I do this until my heart and my mind are on the same page with the situation or circumstance and I move forward.

For me its all about CBAR (Connect, belief, actions, results). This is my process for solving any problem as I know that all of our troubles stem from what we think, perceive, and believe about any given situation or set of life circumstances. Nevertheless, if I use the CBAR method of processing I can immediately ascertain where the change needs to happen in any given problem and successfully shift its results. This is not about control yet, it is about ownership and acceptance of the things I may not be able to change. Change your thoughts and you change your life. 

I practice this technique with not only forgiveness, but, worry, stress, fear, anger, anxiety, and so on. Being present with ourselves, mind, body, and actions does not means there won't be times when we fall short of our commitment to change, however, the goal is to keep striving to be a better person every day. No one person is perfect. With that, saying an affirmation every morning before you get out of bed or leave the house is a tool which can prompt us to be mindful of our daily goals for self-improvement. The affirmation doesn't have to be complicated, a simple “I am worthy of good things in my life. I will live into my best-self today, or I have the strength and power to forgive those who transgress against me along the way.” should suffice to promote a change in the brain's thinking process.  

Connect: Be present in the moment or situation. Acknowledge where you are and what you're thinking/feeling at that time (helps promote mindfulness).

Belief: What is your belief or statement about the current circumstance or situation (We create what we believe)?

Action: Assess what actions or behaviors are necessary to create change in the situation or circumstances.

Results: What results are being generated from the actions/behavior you are currently displaying in accordance with your current belief(s)? Change actions/behavior wherever necessary in order to achieve desired results. 

Easy-peasy, you’re on your way to designing a life you can enjoy living free from the burden of trying to control everything around you. ! Have a great rest of the day folks. I know you’ll make someone’s day! Good journey!

~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

"Just Add Drama?"

"Just Add Drama?"

If someone placed a button in the middle of an empty room marked “Just Add Drama” how many of you, without a second thought would press the button accordingly? There’s nothing better than a good ole “You’ll never believe what happened to me or a woe is me” situation just ripe for brewing a big pot of attention generating drama to get the blood pumping, right? The truth is, some of you strive so much for attention that you’re waiting for the chance to stir up a little conflict or tragedy in your lives for the opportunity to take center stage but, why? What is the benefit of creating conflict, sowing discord, and/or all out chaos?  For some, the attention getting stakes are as high as being the star of your very own dramatic real life soap opera tends to have addictive secondary benefits. What I've observed over the years in the field of crisis navigation is that many of my clients were walking around doing just that . . . Looking for opportunities to “insert drama” into their lives and the lives of others while over compensating for some lack or another.

Nevertheless, this dysfunction is not only limited to the individual’s personal affairs, yet it tends to finds its way into the workplace environment, and/or other social interactions this individuals may partake in as well. At first, it appears this individual is simply having a sour run of fortune until you realize there is potentially more at the root of their troubles; something deeper and even more disturbing than a run of bad luck. But then, what is the motivation behind this unstable lifestyle filled with epic drama? What I've witnessed is that there are 5 common benefits to just adding drama into their lives. Those 5 things are:

1.      Drama distracts from the current life situation or circumstances. Instead of concentrating on or dealing with one’s own life matters it’s easier to place the focus outward as to become distracted from acknowledging or resolving problems of which may make them uncomfortable or, are perceived as outside of the person’s control. This person’s primary efforts are to divert from what is happening around them.

2.      It creates an exaggerated sense of importance. This individual is self-absorbed and seeks to be center focus of the drama of which they have purposely created in the attempt to magnify feelings of significance and the reassurance of worth; while hoping to decrease feelings of insecurity and inadequacy with unnecessary attention-seeking behavior.

3.      Drama is familiar and comfortable. To this individual, drama and constant disruption is the norm. In a sense, being surrounded by misery and commotion are their standard of living whereby, this individual finds contentment and safety. Often times, this individual has spent a large portion of their life “not getting enough attention (most times during childhood)” from persons of significance their lives. This type of behavior has usually been exampled throughout their life in some form or another which this person has now taken on as a practice.

4.      To play the victim. Usually this individual creates drama in order to play the victim of its fallout. This often makes them the recipient of sympathy, compassion, or empathy from others with little accountability for their manipulative actions. It’s all in line with needing to be at the center of attention by any means necessary. This individual is prone to inappropriate behavior, lying, exaggerated poor health or other circumstances, complaining of frequent death (or near death) in their family or the families of close friends, and/or any problem that will place them in the position of receiving victim treatment.

5.      Overconfident or Arrogant (the bully). This person believes that they are over deserving (operates with a sense of entitlement) in most (if not all) aspects of their life. This person wants to be seen. If they are not center stage at all times they will design occasions to be front and center even if it requires them to be dishonest to obtain the attention they believe they deserve. This person is not above using bullying tactics to gain the attention as well.

Do you see yourself in any of these personality types? If so, change is in order and that change begins with learning to love yourself exactly as you are as well as forgiving yourself and others for not giving you the attention you required during whatever period of your life where you've felt neglected. Next, ask yourself is your interpretation of events over the top and/or are you creating an exaggerated account of the events. If the answer is yes, you may need to re-calibrate your perception.  

And lastly, reach out to others for help (e.g. Family, friends, or licensed professionals). What may need to happen is that you connect with someone who is equipped with the skills and knowledge to assist you with working through your problems in a way that supports healthy and more stable responses. Living a “Just Add Drama” lifestyle is an exhausting recipe for sure disaster of epic proportion. Remember, no emotionally healthy individual is walking around designing a life filled with discontent on purpose, or for no apparent reason. Being fully aware of your needs and what it takes to get them constructively and appropriately met is the key to regaining the balance of a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.  Are you creating drama while chasing some sort of secondary gain from that kind of mayhem? Are you even aware that you’re the one stirring the pot?

Taking a hard look inside of yourself may be just what you need to put your attention seeking inner child to rest. Live aware! Good journey! ~ Y. Tay Robson (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Click the link but, be prepared for anything! https://youtu.be/scvt1Nucoh8 

Whose Fault is it Anyway?!?

Are you the type of person who faults everyone else for your life's misfortunes, situations, difficulties, and/or current circumstances (e.g., my wife/husband doesn't listen, my doctor’s scale was off that day, my dog walks too slow so, I can’t really workout when I walk him, the lady at the counter got my order wrong, my neighbor six houses away did so and so, my boss doesn't

like me, the lady in line last night, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.) when in fact what is happening is that you refuse to self-evaluate and recognize the part you play in creating your own unhappiness. Instead, you are comfortable blaming others and life itself for your inability to extract and apply crucial life-lessons. You would rather play the blame game. In every life a little lesson must fall and your life is no exception to the rule. What you do not repair, you WILL repeat! When you live to make excuses what you’re actually doing is excusing yourself from any accountability to unfavorable outcomes.

If your life is at the mercy of everyone and everything else around you, than what is safe to say is that chances are, you are unhappy. However, at what point does it become your charge to take back control of your life and repair what is broken? When you ignore, excuse, deny, and/or “check out” on life, what is left is dysfunction and chaos. It all begins with YOU! There is a way to regain control of your life and to begin to repair it without blaming those around you when you follow these 4 simple tips.

1.       Admit that you are a blamer. When you admit that you have been blaming others for your life, you take charge and start to recognize that you are not taking responsibility for your decisions. This puts you back in the pilot’s seat and allows you to identify when blaming is happening and makes you cognitively aware when changing it.

2.       Be present in the moment and recognize your part in creating the problem. It all starts and stops with you. Don’t deny the fact that you've had some participation in your current situation no matter how small. Accept it! This way you can begin working on successful behavioral modifications that will assist you with creating a more functional, self-sufficient, and expressively self-confident you. Also, allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in the moment of blame (e.g., angry, hurt, sad, uncertain, etc.) within the lines of respect for yourself and the person(s) whom you may be dealing. Doing this, you will begin to practice identifying exactly what emotion or emotions you have been trying to avoid experiencing by using blame or excuses and deal with them accordingly. We all have feelings, and sometimes they can get in the way of our better judgment.

3.       Take a Step Back. Take some time to step away from the situation. You deserve the opportunity to collect your thoughts in order to make the best decision for you. Don’t allow yourself to emotionally respond to a situation when what may need to happen is that you take a moment to reflect and think things through. When you take a step back from the problem often times the solution will become clear.   

4.       Forgive. Forgiving others and yourself for whatever is causing you anxiety, hurt, pain, insecurity, or fear is a powerful tool in executing change. We all make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process. Nevertheless, if we don’t forgive we can be held hostage to whatever unforgiveness we are carrying around in our hearts. Not every decision is going result in positive outcomes however, if you never make a mistake how will you learn from it and grow?

Giving your power away to blame is the sure fire path to certain doom with discontent being your tour guide! In reality, successful life navigation begins with learning how to make difficult choices and respectfully conveying your needs to those around you while you work diligently on self-improvement. It has been said that a self-centered person can find fault in others however, is color blind to his/her own short-comings. It’s easy to place the fault in someone else when it gives you the escape goat you need to relinquish responsibility and ownership of a particular situation designed mostly by you. Nevertheless, getcho yo life, it’s not everyone else's error when it all begins and ends with you! Do something different today and create a satisfying and fulfilling tomorrow. Enjoy your life! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Is There Such Thing As Healing Pain?

Life Lessons 101, lesson #2: Is there such thing as healing pain? Breakups suck! The pain of separation has been likened to experiencing a living death by some. Your heart aches, you’re sick to your stomach, you can't eat or sleep, and your mind is constantly preoccupied with your perceived loss. You’re weary and you can't let go. The pain you've experienced in that toxic relationship now pales in comparison to the pain of healing.

But, that's just it, one is a damaging pain and the other is the pain of the healing process. The one pain (if you stay locked in the connection) will only continue to tear you down, fill you with self-doubt, and drive you to a dark place with little rationale. Whereas, the other pain is cleansing, clarifying, restorative, and strengthening you for the release of the chains holding you captive to a situation that has far out lived its expiration date. Pain is the brain's way of signaling to the rest of the biological system that something is wrong and requires your attention. It is necessary to endure a little pain during any healing process however, this pain is significantly different than hurt that you've felt while being mistreated, disrespected, abused, and neglected to the point of not having your needs met. This pain will result in your delivery and ultimate restoration if you can get through the process to realize the healthy properties in the decision you've made to release the relationship.

Bear in mind, all things pass away and time truly does bring about a change with effort and action. You will survive this heartbreak just as you have those in the past. The secret is to trust the process, pray, refocus your thoughts and energies on the positives, while believing God for true emotional freedom from what hurt you. It can be done! However, running back to the source of your pain for fear of the healing hurt will only delay your progression to feeling whole again; the choice is yours. You are worthy of a love that will love you in return and treat you in the manner of which you deserve.  Get out of your own way and experience the abundance of life that came only come with the reciprocity of true love! Love out loud! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

What Is the World Coming To?

RANT: With all that is happening in our world with the Ferguson ruling, New York killing, etc., I felt it necessary to post this piece I read on theGotquestions.org website only moments ago. Our world is in a state of discomposure and unrest which is wreaking havoc on our society's sense of justice and security. No justice, no peace! There is one race and all life matters therein! This is the time for unity according to race. . . THE HUMAN RACE! This is not merely about blacks against whites, nor other races against one another this is about the human race, the right to live, and what is right and what is wrong!

Taking the life of unarmed human beings is wrong! Exalting yourself to the position of judge, jury, and then executioner is WRONG! Using your authority to bring hurt or harm to others, you have sworn to protect is WRONG! Something has to change now! As a people we shall overcome this senseless injustice plaguing our society, creating hostile division, and discontent in our communities. United we stand and divided we fall for heinous acts of fury committed against the Black community by law officials who are not being held accountable for their actions. Hate, racism, and violence are not new issues in America, they are simply coming to a head.

My Christian heart is vexed with current events, however, I am prayerful that God is ever present, in control, and actively bringing resolve to this unfortunate, scary, and often times, hopeless condition of things. I am optimistic that this will bring some sense of peace to those of you who have felt the impact of recent events. God bless and good journey! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)
Question: "What does the Bible say about racism, prejudice, and discrimination?"

Answer: The first thing to understand in this discussion is that there is only one race—the human race. Caucasians, Africans, Asians, Indians, Arabs, and Jews are not different races. Rather, they are different ethnicities of the human race. All human beings have the same physical characteristics (with minor variations, of course). More importantly, all human beings are equally created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26-27). God loved the world so much that He sent Jesus to lay down His life for us (John 3:16). The “world” obviously includes all ethnic groups.

God does not show partiality or favoritism (Deuteronomy 10:17; Acts 10:34; Romans 2:11; Ephesians 6:9), and neither should we. James 2:4 describes those who discriminate as “judges with evil thoughts.” Instead, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (James 2:8). In the Old Testament, God divided humanity into two “racial” groups: Jews and Gentiles. God’s intent was for the Jews to be a kingdom of priests, ministering to the Gentile nations. Instead, for the most part, the Jews became proud of their status and despised the Gentiles. Jesus Christ put an end to this, destroying the dividing wall of hostility (Ephesians 2:14). All forms of racism, prejudice, and discrimination are affronts to the work of Christ on the cross.

Jesus commands us to love one another as He loves us (John 13:34). If God is impartial and loves us with impartiality, then we need to love others with that same high standard. Jesus teaches in Matthew 25 that whatever we do to the least of His brothers, we do to Him. If we treat a person with contempt, we are mistreating a person created in God’s image; we are hurting somebody whom God loves and for whom Jesus died.

Racism, in varying forms and to various degrees, has been a plague on humanity for thousands of years. Brothers and sisters of all ethnicities, this should not be. Victims of racism, prejudice, and discrimination need to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Racists may not deserve your forgiveness, but we deserved God’s forgiveness far less. Those who practice racism, prejudice, and discrimination need to repent. “Present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God” (Romans 6:13). May Galatians 3:28 be completely realized, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Hearts that Love . . .

My Random Thought: "Lies wreck lives creating false realities while saying "nothing," says everything. Who can trust you when your actions speak louder than your words accompanied by waves of stability, fleeting security, and flying fists? I trust what you say, until you say "I didn't say that!" then I'm left with scattered confusion, doubt, and worry. The truth is hearts that love don't use hands that hurt, nor do they sow chaos, cultivate fear, manipulate, or lie and wait for innocent blood. Domestic violence ruins lives leaving scars only the victim can truly understand and a hurt in the heart deep as a cannon that ONLY God can heal.

When you act in violence you destroy someone else's life, sense of security, and the very ability to trust wholeheartedly, producing a being who is only a shadow of their former self. This becomes more than ripples in the fabric of their subconsciousness, they are stains in the presence of time ever to come. So please, think before you react; because once you commit an act of violence . . . You can't take it back!" ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Grateful Thanksgiving?

Greetings, 

This time of year is notorious for bringing into view the little things we could be thankful for that throughout the year seem to be outside of our focus. What blessings have you have missed an opportunity to say "Thank you" for in hustle and bustle of your busy life? Are you blessed with genuine loving connections, are you working a job that affords you the ability to pay your monthly bills (are you operating in your purpose), is your car running, or even simpler than this, were you able to get up and out of the bed this morning despite the desire to just lay there? Whatever you're appreciative of, having an attitude of gratitude multiplies the potential impact that gratefulness can have on your life thus, creating a more positive attitude. Looking at your circumstances through grateful glasses is essential to your ability to move pass adversity with an optimistic, motivated, and determined mindset onto the successful completion of any goal or objective.

Life is filled with choices and how we view our individual life circumstances is swaddled in the awareness of how to make choices that makes healthy, sound, and clear choices that make a difference. Being thankful reminds us of the challenges we've overcome throughout the year and recharges our faith and commitment to our respective journey. Over the next 7 days, I challenge you to keep and Attitude of Gratitude Journal every evening at the close of your day. Take a moment to record all the things (you can think of) you are grateful for in your life (no matter how minor they may be) today. Doing this you may discover several things come to mind that you may not have previously considered blessings and begin to take form and shape giving you a new perspective. You have the right and the ability to change your mind, tweaking your focus and truly bring about a new life direction.

This holiday don’t just be thankful, sport your grateful rose colored glasses until you see the blessings in your environment. Happy Thanksgiving! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

We take so many things for granted

The Power of Words

Yesterday I facilitated an Unlocking Negativity workshop for a group of kids who were eager to strip away the negative labels branded on them by people in their lives who were ignorant to the damage their mere words could cause to a developing self-esteem. Each child began tearing down their individual emotional walls with a loud "I am NOT. . ." and filled in the blank with all sorts of discouraging, hurtful, disrespectful, and demeaning comments, phases, and adjectives; each more degrading than the last. Nevertheless, the children were glowing as they realized the negative things being said to them did not define them and they had a choice to accept or deny the labels others were trying to impose upon them. When we discussed what made them feel free they celebrated love, relationships that built them up, individuals that believed in them, and opportunities to help others. These kiddos were taking out they're emotional trash never to pick it up again and replacing it with positive self-talk and recognized self-worth.

My heart was overcome with joy! The smiles on their faces as they opened up and shared freely could have illuminated an entire room from wall to wall! Triumphant these young people had gotten a taste of what being loved on felt like and the courage in using their voices and they wanted more of it! When the class wrapped, a happy group of little people surrounded me with arms open wide ready to receive a well earned good job hug, of which I was more than happy to give before we parted ways. So often we are blind to the impact our words can have on the lives and hearts of those around us.

Instead of guarding our words, thinking before we unleash hurtful messages out onto an unsuspecting loved one, coworker, child, or friend we selfishly hide behind "freedom of speech." The freedom to speak is not permission to batter others, break their spirits, or tear them down it's the right and privilege to speak life into an individual at anytime and in any place to help build him/her back up. It is said that life or death rest in the tongue. Don't take someone else's life by carelessly using your right to speak as the right to abuse. We are better than that! Good journey! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Hope

What I find so amazing about choosing to be positive is how we reap the benefit of increased hope!! Hope fuels our faith, faith fuels our perseverance, perseverance fuels our motivation and so on and so forth. God has gifted us the one power that we abuse most often . . . Choice. Its up to us to learn how to use the power of choice wisely to create a world we can all delight in living in. Be positive. ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Becoming a Published Author: The Writer is by Nature A Dreamer

The Writer is by Nature A Dreamer. - Carson McCullers.

Becoming a published author was the foremost defining moment of my existence thus far and, to be honest, I never imagined that I could do it. At one period I gave up dreaming about it as I didn't see it in my future any longer. I had written several manuscripts, outlined many stories, and recorded most of my thoughts throughout my life in the hopes that they would take shape into more. Yet none of them ever found their way to the publisher's desk. Writer's block, busy schedules, discontent, fear, and that negative little voice in the back of my head shouting "Why write something that nobody will want to take in the first place?" were all things which contributed to my procrastination and/or lack of stick-to-itiveness throughout the procedure. 

As I exercised a lack luster commitment throughout the writing process, it wasn't until I realized that I was cheating myself out of what would ultimately made me happy that I began to pray and ask God, "What is the good in knowing this wonderful information if no one will ever want to read it?" My heart was drowning in disappointment, fear of the unknown, and my own self-imposed fallacies about my ability to bring this collective of life saving principles I had learned together in organization to share them with others who might also need the directions and support during times of uncertainty in life. Writing was my guardian angel, the vehicle whereby I would find peace, tranquility, and the restoration of my staying power to continue pressing on. When the final word was written closing out Best Piece of Advice, my heart felt a sense of relief unlike ever before. The sagacity of completion and accomplishment overwhelmed me.

Nevertheless, that nagging dread “Would anyone read it? Would the message of hope and success concepts transcend the invisible messenger?” the echoing voice in my head on repeat over and over again. “Who are you and why should anyone listen to what you have to say?” Then, just as the moon is overtaken by the light of day, the voice of my creator boldly spoke bringing life to my mission and encouragement to my heart --“They will listen because you were anointed to speak.” With that, I questioned no more yet instead, I picked up my pen and finished my story. I forged forward, and on February 6, 2014, I self-published my first manuscript “Best Piece of Advice, Coaching Your Own Life Workbook.” a day that will live in satisfaction and fulfillment in my heart throughout my lifetime.

I finished what I had started with whopping success! To date, there have been 205 copies of BPA sold on Amazon.com! I have begun using BPA as an empowerment tool to help enlighten, motivate, and assist my clients with creating the life they desire to live with positive results! The message of hope outrivals the messenger when the vessel is called and ordained by God to deliver the directive. When I stepped out of self and no longer made it about me, and whether or not people would or would not receive “my” message, the communication became easier to convey. Sharing these values outlined in BPA was not about me yet it was about sharing the memo of optimism for the potential to live a life of satisfaction, contentment, and joy.

Today I am working on my second edition of Best Piece of Advice entitled, “Hey YOU!” and the

process isn't as taxing as it was in the beginning. I trust the process; set realistically attainable goals, take breaks when necessary, and constantly believe on God for encouragement when needed. I am moving forward in faith one word at a time, until I see the finish line before me. To God is the glory, amen! To each of you I say, don’t give up, keep the faith, and never stop trusting that your dreams can and will come true. Good journey! 

The Show Must Go On . . .

Welcome back readers! 

Or maybe the welcome back should be strained to me as I've been the one who has been M.I.A. Anywho, there has been so much going on over the past year: I published my first coaching tool workbook (Best Piece of Advice, Coaching Your Own Life Workbook) in February of this year on Amazon.com, had several book releases and workshops to advance it, and managed to start work on my next workbook entitled "Hey You! It’s Your Life Workbook" due to be finished in the summer of 2015.

Have there been some tests? Yes, of course there have! Life is filled with roadblocks, detours, and challenges. . . It’s supposed to be! How else are we to build strength of character, integrity, and resilience? Nevertheless, I am motivated and determined to keep moving forward until the completion of my journey. Our dreams are our responsibility to make manifest which can only happen through the action we are willing to take to bring those dreams to fruition. Setting goals along with supporting action steps is quickest way to accomplishment. So how do you set goals? Here, let me show you!

Write your goals:

o Be Specific

 Goals need a start date and, preferably, an end date (Goals need to be measurable – how will you know that you have met the goals?)

o Be realistic but challenge yourself

 A goal should be a stretch for you – difficult, but achievable

o Your values need to be reflected in your goal

 If you don’t match your values to the goal, you won’t believe in the goal

2. Develop an action plan Write what you need to do to reach your goals

 Include dates whenever possible to identify when each step of the action plan will be completed

 Include the resources you will need to successfully complete the goal. These might include asking a friend for help, meeting with a teacher, gathering required materials, and setting a timeline so you can complete the goal on time.

3. Reflect on your goal progress:

o Check to see if you are following your timeline – does it need to be adjusted?

o Did you meet – or not meet – your goal?

 What helped you meet your goal? Or what prevented you from meeting your goal?

 What did you learn from setting this goal that will help you next time you set goals?

4. Reward yourself when you complete your goals:

Celebrate your success!!

And there you have it; you’ve finished what you’ve started! No goal is too big or too small to be chunked down into pieces you can swallow if you take the time out to do so. It’s your turn, set some realistic goals for yourself and be sure that you arrive at your dream destination! Good journey! 

Best Piece of Advice #14

"Never Make Someone A Priority When to Them You Are Only An Option!!"

     Here we go again folks; I'm back to share yet another of my shining pearls of wisdom for you to pass on.  Never make someone a priority when to them you are only an option. Let’s begin by breaking down what a priority is, shall we? When something is a priority in our lives that something is given special attention and treated with the utmost care and consideration verses that we may only view as an option (something that may be or is chosen; choice.). Take relationships for an example; often times in relationships there tends to be a giver and a taker.

    A giver is the person who unselfishly gives of themselves in most aspects of the situation many times expecting little in return. A taker is a person who is disconnected from the usual consideration of others and pays little attention to needs outside of their own. In every human being’s life there are needs which we cannot go without having met at any given time; for instance, food, water, shelter, and emotional needs. These things to the majority of us are considered priorities however to some, they are simply options to be attended too or overlooked as that person sees fit.  Nevertheless, we are all guilty of this transgression at some point (being a taker) or another in our lives as option can sometimes be a downfall.

    Sadly for some folks, the moment they are presented with too many options they become carless and the giving isn’t reciprocated as they sometimes tend to think the opportunity to have the prize will come again. If you find yourself in a situation where all the giving is coming from one side (namely YOURS) and there is no reciprocity the chances are your needs are NOT a priority and it’s time to have a conversation or make a much needed choice to address the matter with action. That is why communication is extremely important in every type of relationship. When your needs are communicated or shared in a way which the receiver can understand the chances are they can and will become a priority to that person (if they desire to make them one). Never make someone a priority when to them you are merely an option it only leads to unmet needs and a growing desire for conflict. Finding your inner strength to make yourself a priority is the best way to ensure others will do the same.

    You have to know what your needs and relationship priorities are before you can expect anyone else to meet them. There is no substitution for self-awareness! The more you know about you the better the chances are you’re going to be able to share it with someone else who wants to be a part of your happiness in the end and to make you a priority.  Good journey, until we speak again!! 

Best Piece of Advice #13

Money Matters When, Your Money Matters!!

Times are hard for everyone as of late; the economy is still out of whack and the recession a very real state of affairs in our society. Making your money stretch and a dollar go farther than the floor board of your car can be mission impossible at times. When it comes to money, I am a money managing wiz!! I believe it to be one of my Gods given gifts, literally! Here are my 8 tips on how to stretch your dollars and still live a full social life at the same time.

Tip #1: PAY ALL OF YOUR MONTHLY BILLS 1st! Before doing anything else, if you have a job which allows you to pay your priority bills (water, car insurance, electric bill, life insurance, cell phone, etc.) do it!! Paying these bills first permits you to get them out of the way and the rest of the money can become "play" money. Never assume you can pay it later, its best to get priority bills taken care of on or before the due date. This tends to build credit and can sometimes grant you grace in the future if ever you're late paying later on down the line. Always take care of your needs before you indulge in your wants. This way when you go to spend money on hair, nails, clothes, or social outings, etc., you know home is in order because you already took care of the big stuff!!

Tip #2: By All Means Save A Dollar!! Even the smallest budget when examined has potential for saving. If you’re only able to put away $10 to $20 a pay check, DO IT!! You'll be surprised how quickly it’ll add up! Think about it, how often do you go out blow $10 or $20 and can't remember where you spent it? If you're like me, it can happen a lot! Instead of wasting money which you may need for a rainy day; save it to buy an umbrella that rainy day instead? You'll find your savings adds up fast and you’ve saved some serious cash before long.

Tip #3: ANYTHING ON SALE IS WORTH HAVING!! I love a sale! It’s the perfect opportunity to stretch those short dollars to more than just gum. If you're a shopaholic such as me, you know our eyes can be our worst enemies?! We tend to go to a store and want the first thing we see which appeals to us in our mind's eye. Instead of shopping off the rack, head for the clearance racks first. A lot of times you will see something hanging in the window for full price however, if you head over to the clearance spot you may find its cousin hanging around for much less!! I say, NEVER PAY full price for something when you can pay less and use your imagination at the same time. Be creative. The clearance rack is a great opportunity to get more for your money. You may not only find what you’re looking for, for cheap you may have the money left over to get into an event to show it off later!!

Tip #4: ANYTHING DOLLAR TREE!!  Dollar stores are a God send in these financially binding times. A dollar can sometimes be stretched as far as you need it to be when you respect and use it correctly. I love Dollar Tree! With $1 you can purchase almost anything!! Dollar Tree sells food, hygiene products, baby clothes, car maintenance items, party supplies, seasonal items, back to school and office supplies, household clean supplies, home decorating items, and much, much more!! If you find yourself having to stretch your dollars, head on over to Dollar Tree, you'll get more than you bargained for in the end!!

Tip #5: The More the Merrier: Go out as a group instead of alone, this way thing can be split between the group and all the financial whoa doesn't fall on you! If there are 4 of you the tab can be split 4 ways instead of one which breaks the bank! Not to mention, it gets you out of the house and socializing with friends and meeting new people. You'll save money and have a memory to reflect on in your down time.

Tip #6: Clip, Clip, Clip Coupons: I know it sounds a bit ole fashion however; clipping coupons is still the best way to save money! Not only will this save you money like nobody’s business it will also keep you on top of the changing prices of those things you can't live without! I tell you this is an excellent way to save money and get some of those name brand things you want as well.

Tip #7: My Bad Habits: For those of you with bad habits (of which I by no means support!) such as smoking or casual drinking, buy in bulk!! If you’re a smoker (YUCK!) buy a carton instead of a single pack, you'll find it costs far less throughout the month and leaves you with a little cash left over. Try tallying up what you spend on a pack every time you buy it and compare it against what you would spend and save if you purchase the carton instead. You'll see the benefit to buying in bulk and you'll have more money to add to your savings account as well.

Tip #8: Whew, I Made It!: Working with low income families I’ve learned that most crisis happen within $1000 therefore, this is your initial savings goal. Once you’ve made it to $1000.00 in your savings account, try to maintain it and KEEP GOING!! It’s far better to have more than to have less and it gives you a sense of accomplishment while you watch your money grow. There you have it, my 8 tips to surviving our society’s money matters for a time. If you follow these few simple tips balancing your budget should no longer feel like you’re standing on a high wire in the middle of the circus; but, leave you feeling like the ring leader man in control of all the acts!! Good journey!! 

Best Piece of Advice #12

Just Because You’re Talking, Doesn’t Mean You’re Speaking the Same Language!!

I’m sure it comes of no surprise when I say, communication is key, right? Of course not, we’re given this piece of advice all the time where relationships are concerned. Though common knowledge too many, this can be an ill mastered art for others. What do I mean when I say just because you’re talking it doesn’t mean you’re speaking the same language? I mean just that!! Have you ever sat with someone (a spouse, partner, mate, friend, booty call, etc.) seemingly having the same conversation only to realize when it’s over you have no idea what the two of you were talking about? I’m sure you have.

How does this happen? Easy, at some point the message got jumbled or distorted and though you were speaking English, the other person heard French. In any relationship you have to learn to speak a person’s language in order to effectively communicate your message to that person, which is what brings me to the question; what language is your partner speaking? I read a wonderful book outlining the 5 love languages we all tend to speak in some form or another and why it’s so important to learn your own love language and that of the person you are in relationship with at the time.  According to Gary Chapman’s book ‘The 5 Love Languages’ they are: 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Receiving Gifts, 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Physical Touch. Each love language is descriptively outlined in this wonderfully written book for married couples however, an excellent tool for single folks as well!

Discovering yours and your partners love language gives you a greater understanding of how that person views and accepts love in a relationship. We can talk to someone all day long, if they can’t understand our message, the language we are speaking in or, the purpose of our communication (conveying love and affection) becomes useless or an argument at worst. Each language has its own very unique set of identifying qualities and wonderful rewards when you can speak them fluently. Though this piece at first glance may sound like a book review it is ONE OF THE BEST PIECES OF ADVICE I HAVE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE TO RECEIVE! Removing communication barriers from any relationship is a definite plus!

Nevertheless, understanding someone’s response to your communication is even better! Check this book out and gain more than just a better way to communicate; furthering the knowledge of who you are and what language you speak in is priceless. Not to mention, understanding your partner better costs far less than paying to learn to speak French. Good journey!! 

Best Piece of Advice #11

Unfortunately, this can be all to true when dealing with others whom have experienced past hurts, betrayals, disappointments, etc. When someone is unwilling to seek help, or unaware they need it; past hurts can seriously impact present and/or future situations and relationships (personal and professional). No doubt, we’ve all experienced hurts throughout our lives in many forms and in different circumstances. Bad relationships of any kind and misuse of our trust have become common place in our society. However, it is those of us which choose to ignore the scars or results of those troubles which most often go on to continue a viscous cycle of hurting others because of it. Being aware of your unhealed emotional, mental, and/or spiritual scars is a crucial step to moving forward and providing the footing for healing. 

If you find yourself dwelling on past troubles, reliving old hurts, mistreating others, struggling to trust, or afraid to take risks based on previous experiences the chances are you’ve not healed from preceding life happenings.  Whether it is intentional or unintentional . . . hurt people, hurt people.  It has become more and more prevalent in society; the results of undiagnosed/untreated pain and its mutilations. Don’t become a part of the problem when the solution is simple . . . self-care.  So how does one obtain self-care? By first recognizing there may be a problem, connecting to a support group of people whom have successfully lived through similar experiences, or reaching out to locate a counselor to discuss emotional or mental concerns, or by bonding with those in whatever your faith system offers in the way of healing.

The goal is to become whole again and end the painful rotation of unhealed sorrows. Taking the time to rebuild oneself through accessing healthy means of expression can only result in the transition from a stuck place to one of unstuck and regaining one’s functionality.  Not to mention, regaining a healthy outlook in emotional/mental areas of your life ultimately can help to end repetitive cycles thus improving one’s life overall. The reality is no one really wants to be the bad guy or the person accused of hurting another human being they care for . . . if you do, that’s quite another kettle of fish in it of itself. 

Living a life filled with joy and purpose doesn’t have to be difficult as long as we are willing to do the hard work of self-improvement on a regular basis. I am aware this can be easier said than done; however, a journey begins with a single step. Why not make yours towards restorative progress and life enhancement . . . shall we?