Whose Fault is it Anyway?!?

Are you the type of person who faults everyone else for your life's misfortunes, situations, difficulties, and/or current circumstances (e.g., my wife/husband doesn't listen, my doctor’s scale was off that day, my dog walks too slow so, I can’t really workout when I walk him, the lady at the counter got my order wrong, my neighbor six houses away did so and so, my boss doesn't

like me, the lady in line last night, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.) when in fact what is happening is that you refuse to self-evaluate and recognize the part you play in creating your own unhappiness. Instead, you are comfortable blaming others and life itself for your inability to extract and apply crucial life-lessons. You would rather play the blame game. In every life a little lesson must fall and your life is no exception to the rule. What you do not repair, you WILL repeat! When you live to make excuses what you’re actually doing is excusing yourself from any accountability to unfavorable outcomes.

If your life is at the mercy of everyone and everything else around you, than what is safe to say is that chances are, you are unhappy. However, at what point does it become your charge to take back control of your life and repair what is broken? When you ignore, excuse, deny, and/or “check out” on life, what is left is dysfunction and chaos. It all begins with YOU! There is a way to regain control of your life and to begin to repair it without blaming those around you when you follow these 4 simple tips.

1.       Admit that you are a blamer. When you admit that you have been blaming others for your life, you take charge and start to recognize that you are not taking responsibility for your decisions. This puts you back in the pilot’s seat and allows you to identify when blaming is happening and makes you cognitively aware when changing it.

2.       Be present in the moment and recognize your part in creating the problem. It all starts and stops with you. Don’t deny the fact that you've had some participation in your current situation no matter how small. Accept it! This way you can begin working on successful behavioral modifications that will assist you with creating a more functional, self-sufficient, and expressively self-confident you. Also, allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in the moment of blame (e.g., angry, hurt, sad, uncertain, etc.) within the lines of respect for yourself and the person(s) whom you may be dealing. Doing this, you will begin to practice identifying exactly what emotion or emotions you have been trying to avoid experiencing by using blame or excuses and deal with them accordingly. We all have feelings, and sometimes they can get in the way of our better judgment.

3.       Take a Step Back. Take some time to step away from the situation. You deserve the opportunity to collect your thoughts in order to make the best decision for you. Don’t allow yourself to emotionally respond to a situation when what may need to happen is that you take a moment to reflect and think things through. When you take a step back from the problem often times the solution will become clear.   

4.       Forgive. Forgiving others and yourself for whatever is causing you anxiety, hurt, pain, insecurity, or fear is a powerful tool in executing change. We all make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process. Nevertheless, if we don’t forgive we can be held hostage to whatever unforgiveness we are carrying around in our hearts. Not every decision is going result in positive outcomes however, if you never make a mistake how will you learn from it and grow?

Giving your power away to blame is the sure fire path to certain doom with discontent being your tour guide! In reality, successful life navigation begins with learning how to make difficult choices and respectfully conveying your needs to those around you while you work diligently on self-improvement. It has been said that a self-centered person can find fault in others however, is color blind to his/her own short-comings. It’s easy to place the fault in someone else when it gives you the escape goat you need to relinquish responsibility and ownership of a particular situation designed mostly by you. Nevertheless, getcho yo life, it’s not everyone else's error when it all begins and ends with you! Do something different today and create a satisfying and fulfilling tomorrow. Enjoy your life! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)