Permission

Happy Tuesday! In life there are times when it feels like our spirits don't line up with your hearts and we are lost to what steps to take to move forward. There are even times when one can feel as if they're going nowhere yet, working so hard to achieve a particular desired outcome. Then you realize that what may be stopping you from getting to your destination is not so much what you've been doing, yet it is what you've been believing. When you buy into false purposes for your life, listen to the naysayers, and/or live in the constant mindset of entitlement you ultimately block your own blessings.

If you believe that you can never accomplish your goals, experience success in your life, or that things will never change; unfortunately, you're right as we tend to create our lives based on the perceptions of our reality. Check your thinking and give yourself the permission and opportunity to believe past the lies that you've been told about yourself for far too long. Greatness is within you to produce however, first you have to believe that you are capable and deserving of its fruits. Will it be easy? Who knows but, the recipe for accomplishments is simple; it takes faith, a whole lot of prayer, and some really concrete action steps to accomplish any task.

Is today going to be the day that you stop believing the lies of your past, your examples, or your trash talking inner voice that is telling you that you don't deserve it? It's yours for the taking! Life is to be lived, because it's for the living! Today, change something that creates a ripple in your life that radiates outward and is felt by those around you; only you can! Have a great day and know that the choice to change is yours!

Resuscitation

While scrolling through my emails today, I came across an article with the word “resuscitation” in its text and immediately I became intrigued. Resuscitate, I could hear the term rolling around in my psyche, and although I was already familiar with the word, I quickly Googled it for a more general and stern clarification and understanding. This is the definition I found: “To resuscitate is to revive a person who has lost consciousness.” In essence, it is to assist with bringing someone back to life or consciousness after they have become a person who is no longer aware of themselves, surroundings, purpose, mind, body, and/or spirit.

In life there are times when we all have found ourselves in need of resuscitation. Times when it feels as though our very life force has been snuffed out by worry, stress, fear, anxiety, dissatisfaction, and/or persistent trials and tribulations that we are unable to overcome at the time? It may be what’s needed is a spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical resuscitation nevertheless; the necessity to regain consciousness is real and the basic requirement for survival. It is powerful to become aware of our needs, life’s purpose and mission, self-worth, or what is necessary to maintain an overall mental balance to the extent of which without it we can cease to exist in some form or another. And how instrumental is it that in order to be made whole again or recover awareness we must employ the assistance of those around us?

The beauty of this definition is that it conceptualizes that no one person can revive him/herself alone, yet it takes the work and efforts of others as well. This would require those of us in need of revitalization to become vulnerable with a willingness to express one’s own inner emotional, mental, spiritual, and/or physical needs at the time. For some, the very notion of “vulnerability” can catapult them to experience high levels of anxiety, uncertainty, and the fear of being emotionally exposed in some way; while others view vulnerability as a weakness and therefore, avoid it at all costs thus increasing the effects of suffocation. What is at the root of the fear of vulnerability? What keeps us from reaching out to our at times, life resuscitating connections when necessary?

At that moment, I asked myself, how often have I or those close to me expressed a need for resuscitation that went unmet because of life’s distractions, lack of trust, fear of emotional exposure, or others unwillingness to breath/speak life back into one another? Not to mention, how unacceptable yet, common this tragic practice of ignoring our fellow men/women in troubled times and/or times of need has become in this society. Have we decided NOT to see one another when it is most essential to the survival of the being in order to pay closer attention to our trivial pursuits of fleeting satisfaction? Are we so afraid to bare our vulnerability that we have we come to be so far removed from our humanity that we have resolved to experience life only through social media, television, youtube, and other disconnecting forms of pretend human connection? We all need to be resuscitated in the worst way; to be brought back to consciousness in order to regain awareness of the most valuable resource we have in this system . . . human life.

It is at this moment that I completely understand the true meaning of resuscitation. It is more than to simply extend my hand to those not just less fortunate but, also to those who are in need for any given reason, at any given time with life vivifying support. Now, do not misunderstand me as I am all too aware that there are those who have resolved to live without consciousness, connection, and/or purpose. Nevertheless, we reap our truest blessings when we are a blessing to others. As said best by Gandhi, we must “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

And that change begins with your own personal resuscitation. Become alive again with love and concern for your fellow man. Find your passion and share it with the world. Who you are and what you have to offer cannot be duplicated by anyone else, as you are the only individual supplied with your own unique set of gifts, talents, ability, and purpose. Be revived as you go forward in love and forgiveness acknowledging that we are all a part of the human experience and we can all make a difference! Live aware! Good journey!

WARNING: Change Ahead . . .

The other day someone asked me, "How do you change your thoughts and feelings about a particular situation or circumstance that you want to be done with?" My response to her was, it requires you to physically occupy your thoughts and emotions daily in efforts to redirect them according to that situation or circumstance you wish to see change in. This requires us to at times sit with ourselves and talk ourselves through whatever the difficult thing may be, when ugly thoughts or beliefs connected with that peculiar position or circumstance come up, we must be willing to, if the need be "talk yourself down" and recommit to our determination to drive past it. For instance, if I have told myself that I am going to forgive someone, I forgive them. I don't go around harboring ill will, saying nasty things, or secretly wishing malice on that person's life. Evenly, I will go a step further and stop myself from thinking the unkind thought with a gentle reminder of my vow to forgive. I do this until my heart and my mind are on the same page with the situation or circumstance and I move forward.

For me its all about CBAR (Connect, belief, actions, results). This is my process for solving any problem as I know that all of our troubles stem from what we think, perceive, and believe about any given situation or set of life circumstances. Nevertheless, if I use the CBAR method of processing I can immediately ascertain where the change needs to happen in any given problem and successfully shift its results. This is not about control yet, it is about ownership and acceptance of the things I may not be able to change. Change your thoughts and you change your life. 

I practice this technique with not only forgiveness, but, worry, stress, fear, anger, anxiety, and so on. Being present with ourselves, mind, body, and actions does not means there won't be times when we fall short of our commitment to change, however, the goal is to keep striving to be a better person every day. No one person is perfect. With that, saying an affirmation every morning before you get out of bed or leave the house is a tool which can prompt us to be mindful of our daily goals for self-improvement. The affirmation doesn't have to be complicated, a simple “I am worthy of good things in my life. I will live into my best-self today, or I have the strength and power to forgive those who transgress against me along the way.” should suffice to promote a change in the brain's thinking process.  

Connect: Be present in the moment or situation. Acknowledge where you are and what you're thinking/feeling at that time (helps promote mindfulness).

Belief: What is your belief or statement about the current circumstance or situation (We create what we believe)?

Action: Assess what actions or behaviors are necessary to create change in the situation or circumstances.

Results: What results are being generated from the actions/behavior you are currently displaying in accordance with your current belief(s)? Change actions/behavior wherever necessary in order to achieve desired results. 

Easy-peasy, you’re on your way to designing a life you can enjoy living free from the burden of trying to control everything around you. ! Have a great rest of the day folks. I know you’ll make someone’s day! Good journey!

~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

"Just Add Drama?"

"Just Add Drama?"

If someone placed a button in the middle of an empty room marked “Just Add Drama” how many of you, without a second thought would press the button accordingly? There’s nothing better than a good ole “You’ll never believe what happened to me or a woe is me” situation just ripe for brewing a big pot of attention generating drama to get the blood pumping, right? The truth is, some of you strive so much for attention that you’re waiting for the chance to stir up a little conflict or tragedy in your lives for the opportunity to take center stage but, why? What is the benefit of creating conflict, sowing discord, and/or all out chaos?  For some, the attention getting stakes are as high as being the star of your very own dramatic real life soap opera tends to have addictive secondary benefits. What I've observed over the years in the field of crisis navigation is that many of my clients were walking around doing just that . . . Looking for opportunities to “insert drama” into their lives and the lives of others while over compensating for some lack or another.

Nevertheless, this dysfunction is not only limited to the individual’s personal affairs, yet it tends to finds its way into the workplace environment, and/or other social interactions this individuals may partake in as well. At first, it appears this individual is simply having a sour run of fortune until you realize there is potentially more at the root of their troubles; something deeper and even more disturbing than a run of bad luck. But then, what is the motivation behind this unstable lifestyle filled with epic drama? What I've witnessed is that there are 5 common benefits to just adding drama into their lives. Those 5 things are:

1.      Drama distracts from the current life situation or circumstances. Instead of concentrating on or dealing with one’s own life matters it’s easier to place the focus outward as to become distracted from acknowledging or resolving problems of which may make them uncomfortable or, are perceived as outside of the person’s control. This person’s primary efforts are to divert from what is happening around them.

2.      It creates an exaggerated sense of importance. This individual is self-absorbed and seeks to be center focus of the drama of which they have purposely created in the attempt to magnify feelings of significance and the reassurance of worth; while hoping to decrease feelings of insecurity and inadequacy with unnecessary attention-seeking behavior.

3.      Drama is familiar and comfortable. To this individual, drama and constant disruption is the norm. In a sense, being surrounded by misery and commotion are their standard of living whereby, this individual finds contentment and safety. Often times, this individual has spent a large portion of their life “not getting enough attention (most times during childhood)” from persons of significance their lives. This type of behavior has usually been exampled throughout their life in some form or another which this person has now taken on as a practice.

4.      To play the victim. Usually this individual creates drama in order to play the victim of its fallout. This often makes them the recipient of sympathy, compassion, or empathy from others with little accountability for their manipulative actions. It’s all in line with needing to be at the center of attention by any means necessary. This individual is prone to inappropriate behavior, lying, exaggerated poor health or other circumstances, complaining of frequent death (or near death) in their family or the families of close friends, and/or any problem that will place them in the position of receiving victim treatment.

5.      Overconfident or Arrogant (the bully). This person believes that they are over deserving (operates with a sense of entitlement) in most (if not all) aspects of their life. This person wants to be seen. If they are not center stage at all times they will design occasions to be front and center even if it requires them to be dishonest to obtain the attention they believe they deserve. This person is not above using bullying tactics to gain the attention as well.

Do you see yourself in any of these personality types? If so, change is in order and that change begins with learning to love yourself exactly as you are as well as forgiving yourself and others for not giving you the attention you required during whatever period of your life where you've felt neglected. Next, ask yourself is your interpretation of events over the top and/or are you creating an exaggerated account of the events. If the answer is yes, you may need to re-calibrate your perception.  

And lastly, reach out to others for help (e.g. Family, friends, or licensed professionals). What may need to happen is that you connect with someone who is equipped with the skills and knowledge to assist you with working through your problems in a way that supports healthy and more stable responses. Living a “Just Add Drama” lifestyle is an exhausting recipe for sure disaster of epic proportion. Remember, no emotionally healthy individual is walking around designing a life filled with discontent on purpose, or for no apparent reason. Being fully aware of your needs and what it takes to get them constructively and appropriately met is the key to regaining the balance of a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.  Are you creating drama while chasing some sort of secondary gain from that kind of mayhem? Are you even aware that you’re the one stirring the pot?

Taking a hard look inside of yourself may be just what you need to put your attention seeking inner child to rest. Live aware! Good journey! ~ Y. Tay Robson (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Click the link but, be prepared for anything! https://youtu.be/scvt1Nucoh8 

Whose Fault is it Anyway?!?

Are you the type of person who faults everyone else for your life's misfortunes, situations, difficulties, and/or current circumstances (e.g., my wife/husband doesn't listen, my doctor’s scale was off that day, my dog walks too slow so, I can’t really workout when I walk him, the lady at the counter got my order wrong, my neighbor six houses away did so and so, my boss doesn't

like me, the lady in line last night, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.) when in fact what is happening is that you refuse to self-evaluate and recognize the part you play in creating your own unhappiness. Instead, you are comfortable blaming others and life itself for your inability to extract and apply crucial life-lessons. You would rather play the blame game. In every life a little lesson must fall and your life is no exception to the rule. What you do not repair, you WILL repeat! When you live to make excuses what you’re actually doing is excusing yourself from any accountability to unfavorable outcomes.

If your life is at the mercy of everyone and everything else around you, than what is safe to say is that chances are, you are unhappy. However, at what point does it become your charge to take back control of your life and repair what is broken? When you ignore, excuse, deny, and/or “check out” on life, what is left is dysfunction and chaos. It all begins with YOU! There is a way to regain control of your life and to begin to repair it without blaming those around you when you follow these 4 simple tips.

1.       Admit that you are a blamer. When you admit that you have been blaming others for your life, you take charge and start to recognize that you are not taking responsibility for your decisions. This puts you back in the pilot’s seat and allows you to identify when blaming is happening and makes you cognitively aware when changing it.

2.       Be present in the moment and recognize your part in creating the problem. It all starts and stops with you. Don’t deny the fact that you've had some participation in your current situation no matter how small. Accept it! This way you can begin working on successful behavioral modifications that will assist you with creating a more functional, self-sufficient, and expressively self-confident you. Also, allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in the moment of blame (e.g., angry, hurt, sad, uncertain, etc.) within the lines of respect for yourself and the person(s) whom you may be dealing. Doing this, you will begin to practice identifying exactly what emotion or emotions you have been trying to avoid experiencing by using blame or excuses and deal with them accordingly. We all have feelings, and sometimes they can get in the way of our better judgment.

3.       Take a Step Back. Take some time to step away from the situation. You deserve the opportunity to collect your thoughts in order to make the best decision for you. Don’t allow yourself to emotionally respond to a situation when what may need to happen is that you take a moment to reflect and think things through. When you take a step back from the problem often times the solution will become clear.   

4.       Forgive. Forgiving others and yourself for whatever is causing you anxiety, hurt, pain, insecurity, or fear is a powerful tool in executing change. We all make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process. Nevertheless, if we don’t forgive we can be held hostage to whatever unforgiveness we are carrying around in our hearts. Not every decision is going result in positive outcomes however, if you never make a mistake how will you learn from it and grow?

Giving your power away to blame is the sure fire path to certain doom with discontent being your tour guide! In reality, successful life navigation begins with learning how to make difficult choices and respectfully conveying your needs to those around you while you work diligently on self-improvement. It has been said that a self-centered person can find fault in others however, is color blind to his/her own short-comings. It’s easy to place the fault in someone else when it gives you the escape goat you need to relinquish responsibility and ownership of a particular situation designed mostly by you. Nevertheless, getcho yo life, it’s not everyone else's error when it all begins and ends with you! Do something different today and create a satisfying and fulfilling tomorrow. Enjoy your life! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

Is There Such Thing As Healing Pain?

Life Lessons 101, lesson #2: Is there such thing as healing pain? Breakups suck! The pain of separation has been likened to experiencing a living death by some. Your heart aches, you’re sick to your stomach, you can't eat or sleep, and your mind is constantly preoccupied with your perceived loss. You’re weary and you can't let go. The pain you've experienced in that toxic relationship now pales in comparison to the pain of healing.

But, that's just it, one is a damaging pain and the other is the pain of the healing process. The one pain (if you stay locked in the connection) will only continue to tear you down, fill you with self-doubt, and drive you to a dark place with little rationale. Whereas, the other pain is cleansing, clarifying, restorative, and strengthening you for the release of the chains holding you captive to a situation that has far out lived its expiration date. Pain is the brain's way of signaling to the rest of the biological system that something is wrong and requires your attention. It is necessary to endure a little pain during any healing process however, this pain is significantly different than hurt that you've felt while being mistreated, disrespected, abused, and neglected to the point of not having your needs met. This pain will result in your delivery and ultimate restoration if you can get through the process to realize the healthy properties in the decision you've made to release the relationship.

Bear in mind, all things pass away and time truly does bring about a change with effort and action. You will survive this heartbreak just as you have those in the past. The secret is to trust the process, pray, refocus your thoughts and energies on the positives, while believing God for true emotional freedom from what hurt you. It can be done! However, running back to the source of your pain for fear of the healing hurt will only delay your progression to feeling whole again; the choice is yours. You are worthy of a love that will love you in return and treat you in the manner of which you deserve.  Get out of your own way and experience the abundance of life that came only come with the reciprocity of true love! Love out loud! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)

What Is the World Coming To?

RANT: With all that is happening in our world with the Ferguson ruling, New York killing, etc., I felt it necessary to post this piece I read on theGotquestions.org website only moments ago. Our world is in a state of discomposure and unrest which is wreaking havoc on our society's sense of justice and security. No justice, no peace! There is one race and all life matters therein! This is the time for unity according to race. . . THE HUMAN RACE! This is not merely about blacks against whites, nor other races against one another this is about the human race, the right to live, and what is right and what is wrong!

Taking the life of unarmed human beings is wrong! Exalting yourself to the position of judge, jury, and then executioner is WRONG! Using your authority to bring hurt or harm to others, you have sworn to protect is WRONG! Something has to change now! As a people we shall overcome this senseless injustice plaguing our society, creating hostile division, and discontent in our communities. United we stand and divided we fall for heinous acts of fury committed against the Black community by law officials who are not being held accountable for their actions. Hate, racism, and violence are not new issues in America, they are simply coming to a head.

My Christian heart is vexed with current events, however, I am prayerful that God is ever present, in control, and actively bringing resolve to this unfortunate, scary, and often times, hopeless condition of things. I am optimistic that this will bring some sense of peace to those of you who have felt the impact of recent events. God bless and good journey! ~ Tay (L.I.F.E with Purpose)
Question: "What does the Bible say about racism, prejudice, and discrimination?"

Answer: The first thing to understand in this discussion is that there is only one race—the human race. Caucasians, Africans, Asians, Indians, Arabs, and Jews are not different races. Rather, they are different ethnicities of the human race. All human beings have the same physical characteristics (with minor variations, of course). More importantly, all human beings are equally created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26-27). God loved the world so much that He sent Jesus to lay down His life for us (John 3:16). The “world” obviously includes all ethnic groups.

God does not show partiality or favoritism (Deuteronomy 10:17; Acts 10:34; Romans 2:11; Ephesians 6:9), and neither should we. James 2:4 describes those who discriminate as “judges with evil thoughts.” Instead, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (James 2:8). In the Old Testament, God divided humanity into two “racial” groups: Jews and Gentiles. God’s intent was for the Jews to be a kingdom of priests, ministering to the Gentile nations. Instead, for the most part, the Jews became proud of their status and despised the Gentiles. Jesus Christ put an end to this, destroying the dividing wall of hostility (Ephesians 2:14). All forms of racism, prejudice, and discrimination are affronts to the work of Christ on the cross.

Jesus commands us to love one another as He loves us (John 13:34). If God is impartial and loves us with impartiality, then we need to love others with that same high standard. Jesus teaches in Matthew 25 that whatever we do to the least of His brothers, we do to Him. If we treat a person with contempt, we are mistreating a person created in God’s image; we are hurting somebody whom God loves and for whom Jesus died.

Racism, in varying forms and to various degrees, has been a plague on humanity for thousands of years. Brothers and sisters of all ethnicities, this should not be. Victims of racism, prejudice, and discrimination need to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Racists may not deserve your forgiveness, but we deserved God’s forgiveness far less. Those who practice racism, prejudice, and discrimination need to repent. “Present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God” (Romans 6:13). May Galatians 3:28 be completely realized, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”